


Normal Wedding

by IJUSTWANNAREAD33



Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: F/F, everyone changed their middle name oop, shoutout to the harlivy disc server, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IJUSTWANNAREAD33/pseuds/IJUSTWANNAREAD33
Summary: It's Ivy's wedding day.
Relationships: Clayface/Chad, Jennifer (Harley Quinn Cartoon)/Selina Kyle, Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne, Killer Croc/King Shark, Kiteman/Condiment King, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn
Comments: 16
Kudos: 60





	Normal Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Pov: Ur King Shark and ur at ur friend's wedding with ur bf

King shark’s pov.

“OHHHH FUCK HARLEY YES!!!” 

You hear a husky moan coming from the dressing room.

“They’re fucking again,” Your boyfriend Killer Croc says.

“Are you fucking serious?” Psycho yells, “It’s her fucking wedding day. WE ARE IN THE FUCKING CHAPEL RIGHT NOW.” You hear Psycho storm off.

Kiteman is standing at the end of the aisle, bent over and crying into his hands. Probably ‘cus Condiment King didn’t show up, not because his fiance is fucking a clown.

“Add another finger- oh FUCK ME HARLS.”

You look back at your boyfriend.

Killer Croc has always struggled with his self-esteem. However by the blossoming love that you have shown him his mental health has improved. You hope your relationship with him never turns out like the Kite/Ivy/Harley (And hell, Condiment King too) love triangle. Or is it a love square? 

You grab his hand, brushing his scaly fingers with your little shark fins. He gives you a smile. 

‘Tabitha could never compare to him’ you think. If only Kind Daddy could see Killer Croc for the man who truly loves you. Shame he forced you into marriage.

The moaning suddenly stops as the church bell rings, signaling the beginning of the wedding. Kiteman wipes a tear from his eye as Condiment King did not show up at all. The crowd grew silent. The priest steps out of his booth and puts a hand forward, “May the bride come forward.”

Psycho appears again, dressed in a pink frilly tutu, throwing flowers, following him was the bride herself. 

Ivy appears at the start of the aisle, face covered in dark red lipstick and hair disheveled. She looks like dogshit.

“Was the sex that good?” Catwoman yells from the crowd. 

“At least I’m here and queer Selina. Everyone knows you don’t actually love Batman. You’re just using him for his money.”

A gasp emits from the wedding crowd.

“And that’s on periodt!” You shout. Killer Croc laughs, you love making him smile. You give him a quick peck on his lips. He tries to slip his long tongue into your mouth, but couldn’t as crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out, you quickly pull away. There would be more for that at the end of this ceremony.

Kiteman smiles at his lover’s honesty, “HELLS YEAH.” He screams, “I love my fiance.”  
She smiles lovingly at the girl who is standing behind Kiteman playing Toxic by Britney Spears on the saxophone (requested by Kiteman). 

Ivy walks down the aisle, legs still trembling from Harley eating her out. Her knees buckled from underneath her, and she face-planted after reaching the end of the aisle. Kite Man purposely moved out of the way, making sure not to catch her.

“Ah, thanks babe.” She smiles lovingly, still on the floor. The priest smiles at the two’s loving relationship.

“Now Mr. Chuck Kite-Fucker Brown and Poison Gertrude Ivy.”

“I'm so glad we both decided to change our middle names” Ivy had said the day before, you recall.

“Do you, Mr. Chuck, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“Well, you’re no Condiment King,” Kiteman sniffles, “But… Yes.”

“And do you Ms. Getrude Ivy, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

There is silence before Ivy opens her mouth, only to be cut off by a saxophone being dropped.

Harley bursts down the aisle. 

“Speak now or forever hold your peace, Harley Fucking Quinn.” 

“Ivy I have always loved you. I never knew how to show you how much I cared until now.”

Harley unclasped her choker, revealing a Cobb Squad tattoo on her neck.

“Oh my god…” You hear Ivy sniffle, lifting her dress revealing her matching cobb squad tattoo, “You got one as well…”

“Yeah I’d do anything for you Ivy.” Harley smiles, “Even get an ugly ass tattoo on my neck.”

“And eat me out at my bachelorette party while I'm on my period.”

“EWWW” the entire church echoed, except for you. You never got why humans were bothered by blood.

“I have never seen a truer love than that.” Killer Croc glares at you. You boop his nose. “Except for you, of course, my little alligator. He nuzzles your snout with his own.

“I love you Pamela Gertrude Ivy!” Harley announces bringing you away from your love.

“I love you too Harley Fucking Quinn!” Ivy cries back, running into her arms, away from Kiteman. 

“Marry me?” Harley asks, eyes wide and blue. She’s crouching on her knee and extending a cherry-flavored ring-pop on her hand. She gives it a lick before placing it on Ivy’s finger.

“FUCK YEAH.” Ivy screams, before shooting vines out, breaking a window and carrying the 2 out of the chapel.

“HARLIVY WE STAN!” The entire discord server exclaims. 

Kiteman kneels to the ground crying. “NO.” he screeches in agony, “NOW I HAVE NOONE IN THIS CRUEL WORLD.”

“What fantastic acting… I must ask him how he manages to capture pain so well…” You hear Clayface mutter.

There is an applause as they fly off, a cry of “HUZZAH TRUE LOVE WINS” comes from Clayface, who is seated next to a broad-shouldered blonde fat boy. You assume that is his boyfriend chad, who came out as gay after deciding Stephanie wasn’t his one true love. After Clayface revealed his true self, he fell back in a relationship with his soulmate shortly after.

“YOU GO GAYS.” Your love yells in support.

Before the crowd can react to the glass flying everywhere, Selina Pussycat Kyle stands up yelling, “I’M A LESBIAN.”

“WE KNEW THAT!” Psycho yells.

An eerie silence captures the crowd. 

“IVE BEEN SEEING YOUR WEIRD SEX FANTIZATIONS WITH HER IN YOUR DREAMS EVER SINCE THAT BACHELORETTE PARTY. DID NO ONE ELSE KNOW?” He screams.

The crowd stays quiet. “Oh, fuck this bullshit.” Psycho storms out of the venue. “Fucking lgbtq She-ra stans.”

“Fuck off midget.” Selina glares, “I’M A LESBIAN AND I’M IN LOVE WITH JENNIFE-”

“It’s actually Jen sweetie.”

Selina turns to Batman, who was seated next to her, “Sorry babe but I’m not into bats anymore. Like shit bats aren’t even that cool. Maybe change your brand to warthogs. At least those can kill people.”  
Batman grunts in reply.  
Selina flicks her hair in Batman’s face and he gags. She picks up Jennifer, throwing themselves out of the chapel the same way Harley and Ivy did.

“While we’re at it,” the priest starts, “I have a confession to make.”

He strips himself of his gown, snatching off his wig to reveal a shiny bald head with complimentary ketchup and mustard bottle squirters.

“Chuck, I have loved you ever since we squeezed ketchup on our hotdogs for the first time. Will you take me to be your unlawfully wedded husband?”

Chuck gasps in surprise, before throwing himself at Condiment King, “CONDIMENT KING MY TRUE KING. I LOVE YOU TOO!” He exclaims before kissing the man’s ketchup stained beard, Condiment King moans in reply.

“WELL GUESS WHAT!” A cackle comes as the chapel door slams against the walls, “I’M GAY TOO AND I’M HERE TO TAKE MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND.”

The people stare in shock at the clown prince of crime, who is still alive somehow, unsure how to react.

Batman stands up, shaking his head, “sorry people” he grunts, “this is my cue to leave.”

Joker squeals, “YAS BITCHES. THAT’S MY MOTHERFUCKIN BOYFRIEND. LOOK HOW RICH HE IS.”

The people stand up angry, “BATMAN IS NOT GAY.” They yell, throwing their slippers at Joker. 

“No, but Bruce Wayne is.” Batman proceeds to take off his cowl.

The people scream in anger, throwing their shoes at Batman. 

“HUZZAH. A DRAMATIC RIOT.” Clayface kisses Chad, “THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.”

You stare at your beloved. You are both still in shock.

“I have to tell you something.” Killer stares at you with his scaly crocodile eyes.

“What is it babe?”

“I.” He pauses, “I love you.”

You feel tears welling up in your eyes, “I love you too.” And you unite in a beautiful fish-reptile kiss. 

Maybe today was a good day after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month idiots


End file.
